Ekphrasis

Objectum Sexuality—in which an individual develops romantic feelings for inanimate objects—is no longer a hush-hush topic quarantined to water cooler talk at the office, but instead has become the subject of televised infotainment programs for the masses. Certain humans (self-identified as “OS”) have come out of the toolbox and admitted that they have more than abstract feelings for concrete objects, developing deep-seated and intimate relationships with bridges, warehouses, carnival rides, and even the Eiffel Tower (which one OS person has now married, much to the chagrin of the French Parks and Recreation Service).

After viewing one such program, the artist pondered Ovid’s Metamorphoses, in one of whose stories a Cypriot becomes smitten with and eventually impregnates an ivory statue of his own creation. Here the myth receives a modern treatment: The continued devolution of mankind into barnyard animals is combined with the seemingly-insatiable western desire for further bodily perfection, something that is arguably only possible by means of admixture with space alien DNA. The viewer is left to question whether the largely androgynous Porcine-stein has truly functional sexual apertures, and whether it would be a pleasant experience for a male to insert his insemination device into such a fertilization chamber. Perhaps a useful painting for explaining human reproduction to tender young minds, this work would befit either a progressive kindergarten or the waiting room in a fertility clinic.