Thomas Brodhead – American, born 1968 – Frog –2019 – oil on canvas – 24" x 30" x 0.75" (60.96cm x 76.2cm x 1.91cm)
DOODLESACK: Polygonal Frog! Wherefore thou goest?
ABEDNEGO: Man, I’m diggin’ this new flesh like a vitamin deficiency quenched with flavored chewables! My quadriceps have become quadrilaterals, my deltoids are purely triangular, and my biceps and triceps have two heads and three! Tee-hee! Ribbit-eee!
DOODLESACK: O, hapless amphibian, canst thou not see thy habitat’s afire, and all things once wet and familiar now wax dry and most alien? Thy home’s but a desert, thy mating pool a hell cistern where tadpoles e’er want to sprout dewy wings to escape a boiling death, lest they reduce in their skin to unpalatable pustules?
ABEDNEGO: Dude, keep your seminal vesicles in your pantaloons! Don’t get in a tissy over change, it’s the natural order for things, and that’s what’s hot! E-LEC-TRIC-I-TY! It sends your memes in the bat of an eye where bats do not fly! It makes your attention span positively achondroplasic! It dulls your brain while mollifying the mind! Word . . . word?
DOODLESACK: Absurd, you guileless toad, you taxonomic ninny! How dare you impugn our grand progress and make false claims that it spins us retrograde! I’ll have you skinned and spray-salted, then roasted on a spit! Why, you . . .
ABEDNEGO: Aha, my brotha’ . . . see what just happened? On the turn of a bitcoin you’ve lost your balance sheet and gone block-chain bonkers! Chill, my man . . . transhumanism will fit you like a glove, and you’ll SHINE in your electric-colored meme-coat, you dig?
DOODLESACK: O pusillanimous polyhedra! Save your sartorial savvy for one more kin than kind! Take that!
(He impales the frog on a stick. Picking it up and examining it, he gasps as it melts and drips greenish-blue tar onto the orange floor below. The stick transforms in his hand to a thin line that extends at both ends to meet each horizon. The sound of uneaten crickets grows louder and louder. Fade to black.)